Intro

Also…

Visit other reputable sites. Take your time exploring and find the articles, groups, events, resources, etc. that pique your interest. Just remember…don’t trust everything you read on the internet from the outset. There is a lot of BS out there. Click here for a list of my suggestions to get you started.

Join an online community. Fetlife.com is a favorite amongst kinksters since it functions much like Facebook. It’s an easy space to create a profile, connect with other like-minded folks, find events to attend, and educate yourself on the plethora of interests and activities that exist in this surreal, but incredible world. Check out my tips on creating a profile here.

Look for, sign up, and attend events. This piece of advice is key. Especially if you’re seeking experiences in real time. Fetlife is a great place to search for local and international events. TheBDSMEventsPage.com is a good place to search for larger events that occur annually (you’ll likely find these on Fet as well, but they’re a little more challenging to find). Events are a great place to meet other kinksters, learn more about the lifestyle, educate yourself in various activities, and buy cool stuff from vendors. Not only that, but for the introverts of the world – this is a great way to check things out more anonymously and at your own pace.

Attend local munches. While these are technically events, I keep this tip separate because munches are an excellent way to get to know your local community in a more casual setting. Most munches take place in vanilla setting (restaurant, bar, bowling alley, etc.) where everyone simply mixes and mingles as if you’re out getting drinks with the office. There’s no need to fear being “outed” at such events as most organizers try to ensure a safe space to get to know others in your area. In fact, don’t be afraid to reach out to organizers to say you’re new and would like to meet them. Many are more than happy to welcome you and introduce you to other attendees. It’s one of the fastest ways to meet other kinksters in your area.

Lastly,

if you’re nervous about dipping your toes into the community, don’t know where to begin, and/or you desire discretion, consider seeing a professional Dominant or submissive. Professionals are generally well-trained, discreet, and a font of information for those who are new to the world of BDSM. They are often more than happy to help you explore your desires without judgment, and more often with a great deal of enthusiasm. Just beware and do your homework. Most professionals have a current website and a significant social media presence. To ensure your best experience, request a phone, video or in-person consult to ensure the experience and the professional is right for you.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 12 years in the community, it’s that there’s something out there for everyone. Be patient, take your time exploring, be respectful towards yourself and others, and embrace the experiences and connections that leave you the most fulfilled.

Yours in eroticism,

Jade Desires

Still nervous about dipping your toes in? Check out these other pages:

Websites to get you started

Creating a profile on Fet

Navigating events

Attending your first munch

Tips for approaching friends and potential play partners